Growing up I thought, yah I want kids! I’ll be a great mom! I am so good with children and I love babies! They are so cute! Then they grow up and become amazing, funny, little people, and I wanted that. Then, I went to college and saw someone give birth, it was so startling it made me reconsider the whole thing. I know how babies are born, it’s just the actual fact of seeing it happen, makes you reconsider your options. My boyfriend has always been… on the fence about kids. The big thing for him was the expense, he likes kids too but he knows that he will be shelling out the cash. I have also seen what giving birth has done to my friend’s psyches and bodies, yahhh just not for me. 

So then I was like adoption and my boyfriend was like yah! That seems logical. Then I really thought about it. Being a parent isn’t something you do for selfish reasons of wanting to pass on things or see them grow up. It’s about being the least selfish and angry person and doing everything you can for this small person. I don’t think I could ever handle that. I am sure I would be a good mom if I had to, but I don’t have to. Right now I’m at the point in my life where I just want to be selfish and start my life with my boyfriend, in a couple years. I am twenty years old, children should not even have crossed my mind before I hit twenty-five. My boyfriend and I agree we will have dogs and they will be our “children”. We will send out Christmas cards with our dogs wearing Santa hats… it’ll be great.

I told my mom I don’t want to ever have kids and she’s like ok, do whatever you want. You may change your mind, but heck whatever makes you happy I support you. My mom is terrific.

My boyfriends mom on the other hand had a shit fit. What do you mean you don’t want kids. I want grandbabies! At least four! I was like holy shit woman… I was thinking one kid or two, possibly when I wanted kids, but four?! Yeah, she’s out of her mind. She had four kids and did a pretty shitty job, so I don’t know what she’s smoking but it’s making her delusional.

Then I told her well, with my kidneys possibly not being as strong as I’d like, it’d probably put me in danger. There’s the cost of raising them. There’s the genetic problems that could come up from both family’s, eye disorders, mental health, and other problematic things. I went on to all the reasons why (that I mentioned before) and I thought I made sense and that there would be no more talk of fucking babies. I thought she wouldn’t question my judgement, because I’m not used to people doing that unless I am confused or wrong about a situation. I thought that was the end of it. I was wrong.

She cried while watching a movie because it reminded her that I wasn’t having children! Me not her, it’s my life, not hers. She isn’t even my mother! She should be talking to her son about this, not me. I will never consider her a mother figure, considering what an awful mother she was to her own kids. Her constantly trying to mother me really pisses me off and pisses my mom off. 

I have a wonderful mom who I wouldn’t trade for anyone and it’s an insult when someone tries to take her place or do a better job, when they can’t. 

Anyway, for the past month this woman has been posting crap on Facebook to me and on my stuff about children. She has been complaining to other people, to her son, to MY friends, and I am sick of it. She says it’s all a joke, but I am not laughing. I may be taking this badly but she is being ridiculous. 

I have tried being nice, I have tried ignoring her, I told her flat out that I didn’t like it, and she still keeps it up! I will just have to be even more clear and say that I do not want to see anymore baby shit directed at me, but I said it in a nice way.

I just know that with my chosen career and my boyfriend’s, we won’t have time or the cash to spend on anyone but ourselves. You are never financially prepared for kids, I am told, so I just took the whole thing out of the equation. My boyfriend and I may change our minds one day, but that’s OUR choice, not our family’s. I don’t think that I will regret my choice because my friends are planning on having kids, I will just be the awesome, rich, aunt everyone loves. My boyfriend will be the cool, photographer uncle. What we have planned is so much more than having kids. I want to dedicate my life to those with depression and other issues and he wants to make art. Children just don’t fit. I won’t give up my dreams to have children for someone else. Some people may think I am selfish, but isn’t it more selfish to have kids for the wrong reasons?


3 thoughts on “NO BABIES

  1. Great post. As two professionals who were long-time students, my wife and I were very blessed to have parents who put zero pressure on us to have kids. Now that we have a daughter, they’ve let us know they aren’t concerned whether we have any more or not.

    1. I wish you well with your daughter, you are so lucky to have parents who understand your situation. My mother is also very accepting. I hope my boyfriend’s mom slowly makes her way over to our side of the baby fence.

  2. You aren’t selfish if you wan’t to live life the way you choose to live it. People will try to guilt trip you otherwise but it seems you have the X-Ray bullshit goggles to see through it. Good luck to you and your friend. To be able to do what you TRULY want to do and not become sidetracked along the way is an epic feat! Trust me on this one. Errrr I am a total stranger I know but trust me anyway? Please? 😉

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