Angry Librarian Rant *a lot of swearing/satire*

So I work in a library and you would think it would be a low stress job right? Put some books away, check some books in, deal with questions and call it a day…. Well, apparently people want to make it a little harder on me or just want to annoy me….

Top Pet Peeves While Working Here….

1. People who don’t push in their chairs.

Alright, I get it you are a busy college student and have things on your mind BUT HAVE YOU LOST ALL USE OF YOUR ARMS? ARE YOU UNABLE TO PUSH IN A FUCKING CHAIR? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IT’S OK TO LEAVE A COMPUTER CHAIR HALF WAY ACROSS THE ROOM, MORON?! Seriously, I don’t get it. People will leave their chairs so far away from the table you’d think a giant stood up. After pushing in almost all the chairs at the end of an eight hour shift (and dealing with idiots for that long) you would feel your brain dying too.

2. When people leave food/wrappers/paper/disgusting things/personal items at their tables.

You would not believe all the HALF EATEN food I have had to clean up. One time I wasn’t paying attention and swept some wrappers off a table and there was a partially sucked jolly rancher hidden in a wrapper. Want to know how I know it was sucked on?! IT WAS FUCKING WET! They had put in back in the wrapper, kind of, and left it there. Seriously… WHAT… THE… FUCK…. I mean how disgusting are you? I’ve found homework, earrings, personal notes, sandwiches, A FRUIT CUP WITH THE FRUIT STILL IN IT on the THIRD FLOOR of the book shelves by a window(lucky I found it and threw it away or else who knows how long it would stay there for) partially eaten pretzels, gummy bears… I mean the list goes further to more disgusting objects. I’m surprised we don’t have hoards of mice the way people leave their shit lying around. I irritates me to no end when people don’t clean up their areas like how I leave them.

3. When people leave books randomly throughout the library and don’t bring them to the desk.

Alright, usually when you don’t check out a book and you just want to look through it you go read it and then you bring it to the librarian or leave it in a designated spot we check periodically. Once we have the book we “count use it” which mean we check it in to see how many people have used the book so we know what to get rid of and what to keep. What people like to do is leave their books in random fucking spots that I can’t see and then at the end of the night right before closing I’ll find them; wedge here, tumbled there, just what the hell. I’m sitting at the desk on the way out! How are you too lazy to pick up the book and just give it to me!? These are usually very heavy books too so have to gather them all up myself and at ten o’clock at night that is not my version of a “good time”. It’s like a fucking scavenger hunt I didn’t sign up for!.

4. When people ask me questions and I give them a correct answer but they just stare at me like whattttt no that’s not it.

An example: so after ten minutes of trying to explain to this lady that the room in library that has computers in it closes at ten because it is apart of the library and our hours are 8-10, she didn’t believe me…. Turns out she was here on a weekend (we close at 6 or 8 depending on whats happening) And she was insisting that it closed at 8. Fine it fucking closes at 8, you know I just work here and you asked me but hey whatever. (She didn’t even use the room after she asked)

5. Not knowing the name of the book, the class it is for, or your teacher’s name.

I am not a fucking wizard and I can’t pull the book out of thin air. Also, telling me the COLOR of the text book will only make me give you the “WTF” look.  I need at least the name or the author, even the class or teacher it is for would be nice, but noooooo. These idiots come in like ummm I don’t like umm know what it’s called or anything, but ummm can you like ummm get it for me. No I cannot, find me some information and I can get it for you but until then no just no. Or they will tell me it’s a biology book, ok which one? They don’t know… Do you people have any idea where you are!? You are in a library! Do you know how many books we have pertaining to biology with biology in the title?! A whole bunch, guys, a whole bunch…. Just what the hell..

6. People who stand there while I check their stuff back in.

Unless you have a question or want to know if you have a fine GO AWAY. I will check your book in and it will be just fine. I don’t need you there. I mean have you ever been to a library before?! Leave your shit and get out. We have book deposits so you can leave your stuff there, and I hate it when they stare intensely at me. I should just ignore them or ask them do you need anything else because you don’t need to be here if you don’t.

7. We have an OVERNIGHT book drop outside our doors, not a DURING THE DAY book drop.

Instead of taking the twenty extra steps to drop your book off by me you decide to be a lazy asshole and stick you stuff in the overnight bin. You do know what overnight means right? It most likely won’t be looked at until the next day or perhaps, by chance, at noon just in case. Don’t put vhs tapes in there, reserve books or paper backs, because guess what! People like to return twenty pound books in there and your vhs will be crushed and you will pay a fine. If it’s late you will also pay a fine, but you know what?! Do it see if I care…. even if I am the one who has to check in the twenty books lying in there because of you assholes…

8. Finally, the fact that my boss stuck me on long shifts two days in a fucking row.

I really don’t get my boss, she’s a nice understanding lady, but she gave me the worst hours ever. I made sure to let her know when I was free for hours so she could spread them out throughout the week, so what does she do? She gives me 2:00pm-10:00pm and 4:00pm-10:00pm on the two most boring nights of the week; Wednesday and Thursday. I’m sure she meant well or there was some sort of thought that made her think this was a good idea… but she also had my school schedule so she would know she was making my Wednesday the longest day of my life. I get up at 7:00am or something for class and I don’t get back to my dorm until after 10:00pm… yeah.. I think she hates me. Thursdays aren’t so bad I don’t have class until one and then I go to work, but after a Wednesday of moving for twelve hours it gets to you. I think that’s why I’m so angry with work and school right now, I have to deal with dumb asses for long hours  and have very little sleep….

I will be so glad when this semester is over and I can get into my summer mode of happiness… though most likely I will have a factory job… YAYYYYY….

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