I should just become an underground blogger and wear weird hats….

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I think midterms has been getting to me…. Lately I’ve been waking up in a panic thinking my life is over or that I’ve forgotten homework. I will forget where I’m going and what I’m supposed to do once I’ve gotten there. I become overwhelmed easily and cry, which is very alarming considering I don’t cry. Most importantly I’ve been having beyond strange dreams.

The other night I dreamt that I was in my parents house, laying on there couch, and my mom said, “Your pregnant!” I said, “No I’m not!” Then I look down at my stomach and it looks weird. I lifted up my shirt and there was a tiny (and grotesquely dead) baby laying on my stomach in a pool of what I can assume was placenta. I held the baby in my hand and then I woke up. Needless to say I was completely freaked out. I mean who on earth has dead baby dreams? I can only assume this is a more adult version of a dream I had when I was younger.

Whenever I got really sick, when I was little, I would have an odd dream with a baby in it. Every morning I’d take the baby out of it’s crib and every night, no matter what, I’d put it back in the crib. The odd thing was that these thorny vines would grow on the crib, making it harder and harder for me to take the baby out and put it back in. There was a woman/witch behind the vines and I no matter how hard I tried I was compelled to put the baby back in the crib. The whole dream I feared I wouldn’t be able to get the baby back out.

I have two theories about why I have dreams like this.

1. My old roommate suggested I had an inner fear/premonition about getting pregnant and losing the baby. This could be understandable, in some ways I guess, but I’m not convinced.

2. My inner child is dying. My thinking is that the act of giving birth never quite happened in these dreams, so the baby could be me. I only had the one dream when I was really sick, and this dream happened around the time of midterms so I think the mental stress is causing me to lose track of myself and kill off my inner child. I’m losing track of what grounds me and keeps me happy.

All in all I have no idea why I dream the strange and fucked up things that I do. I have a lot of odd dreams that would keep a psychologist busy for years….

So I’ve decided that if things get to be too much I’m going to go become a hermit blogger. I’ll wear weird hats, write about weird things and life will be just grand!

In reality I will survive midterms and live on…. surviving one disturbing dream at a time.

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