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Bookish Box June Reveal


This month is classic novels. Bookish Box is a delightful way to get a surprise fix for book nerd delights. I loved every item I received, but the monthly cost was too much for my tiny pocket.

The tshirt was soft and fit perfect. The ring was a tad tight for my ring finger. The rest was great.

I’d suggest this box for those with excess income who enjoy book themed merchandise. It’s not worth the monthly cost for me to keep it up though.

Birchbox June 2016 Review Later!

Honestly, this month was a bit of a bust for me. I loved the illuminator (not pictured), warning a little goes a long way, and the congested skin serum. The rest just didn’t fit my lifestyle.

I’ve heard the wonders of CC cream, but so far every sample I’ve tried does not impress me. I will use it but I will not buy it. I did like that it had spf in it, that’s always a plus for me. I do have to say this was the best cc cream I’ve ever tried. If you swear by it, try this product.

The facial cleanser is nice for getting off make up, but I don’t feel clean after. This is definitely for a multi step routine, or for a morning wash.

The body peel was interesting. My skin did feel smoother, but I get the same result with a luffa. I would say if you are troubled by rough, dry skin go for it, but if your routine is working don’t change it.

The congested skin serum is amazing! The smell is nice and I noticed a difference in my skin almost right away. I highly recommend to those with oily skin that breaks out easily.

I am now a fan of illuminator because of the Laura Geller sample. This was my favorite product in the box. It’s like the grown up version of roll on glitter.

Last month I loved everything in the box, and this month I got two wonderful samples. I’d say Birchbox is still worth it, and I highly recomend it to those beauty lovers out there.

Have you tried Birchbox? Do you like it? What other subscriptions should I try? Should I video myself opening the boxes?


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Black Hole Sun

While I was growing up, my mother would always proudly state how fearless her daughter was. Onlookers would observe me driving a four wheeled object and wonder how I hadn’t broken my neck. There were times I was found traipsing through a woods, with no clue as to where I was going or what was out there. Nothing I drove was fast enough, nothing I did was scary enough. The only thing that would make me stop like a paralyzed rabbit was my father’s raised voice and my mother’s quiet response.

In those days I had no concept of death or boundaries. I lived life as if I didn’t touch the ground, and then I cut my own strings and fell to earth. I just remember waking up no longer happy or fearless. I was full of anger and it consumed me. But anger burns out fast and leaves sadness behind. Then once the sadness dries away, you have nothing. Then to go along with all of it were moments of panic attacks that left me paralyzed.

I went through cycles of anger, sadness, and nothingness. My father grew distant and my mother learned what patience meant. My brother would just ask why I was like this, his voice full of hurt. Eventually, I learned to control my outsides when my insides were like a ship in a storm.

After all these years, even after no longer feeling such extremes, but I still live with this cycle. Now happiness has finally appeared again.  A professional would say what I experience is a form of depression and I should seek help. A professional would be correct, but I still struggle alone.

So what’s my point? I’ve lived with this blackness on my heart for so long, but I lived. I’ve loved others when there were days I felt nothing for myself. I’ve crawled to the top of this hole and looked around to enjoy beauty outside myself. I recognized those with the same darkness and felt kinship.

I’m not easy to love when I get suck back the bottom, and I’m always sorry for that. I lash out at inappropriate times and I bottle up my hurt. To seek help and to change is scary. Anything new is scary. I guess I’ve known this feeling for so long, I’m scared to feel anything else. This is me and if I feel different am I no longer myself? It’s also very weird. I can go for long stretches now feeling happy upbeat and amazing. I look at myself and smile. I feel great! Then at least once a month I get pulled back down into hell. My temper is shortened and I cry so much. Sleep is impossible. Then after a week or two I’m back up again, where I assume a normal person is.

Just when I think I’m standing I get kicked back down.

I’m pretty positive it’s not bipolar, just your everyday depression. I’ve never cared about it affecting others because adults understand that sometimes someone needs space. Now I care because there is a small person in my life who looks up to me. She thinks I’m amazing, and I’m not, but I want to be for her. So, maybe I should get help. Something is clearly not right. I mean it’s not getting any worse, but it’s not good.


Birtchbox May 2016

I received my first $10 Birtchbox this month, and I was very impressed.

My favorite item I received was a sample of Vera Wang’s Appleberry Champagne perfume. The sent is very strong and pleasant. In fact, I spilt some on my bed and it made my room smell for two days. The large size is around $50 and the small is around $30. I would definitely buy it full price. It reminds me of autumn days at a apple orchard.

I also loved the Cargo blush/bronzer. It gave my face a healthy glow and didn’t feel cakey. The color would be good for most skin tones, except possibly the lightest.

The Coola sunscreen smelled amazing! Once it absorbed into my skin it wasn’t greasy. It’s perfect for the on the go person who wants quick absorption.

The Berts Bees lip tint was the only product I had previously owned. It was slightly pinker than my lips, which is a look I normally rock. I would suggest it for pale to tan skin tones, but it might get lost on a darker tone.

The final product was the Beauty Protector for hair. I’m not big on hair products and usually dry and go. If anything I’ll put mousse in my hair and straighten it. So this product was not meant for me and my hair knew it. I sprayed it through my hair and brushed it out. The smell was great, as with all the products, but my hair became greasy and icky feeling. I used it as a detangler for my friends 4 year old and it was amazing. So, it’s a bit or miss product for me.

Birtchbox is a great way to sample Beaty products without the commitment. I highly suggest it for those of you who like to try new and exciting things.


Night blogging: body

I can’t remember the last time I felt at ease in my body. Possibly it’s before I can even remember, or that the feeling of disconnection is so strong that it erases the love I once felt. I look at this shell and I can’t see myself. My insides don’t match the form I now stride around in.

Sometimes I forget what I look like and then I am shocked into reality when I catch a glimpse of myself. My inner self feels beautiful, strong, sexy, and intelligent. My outer self is… A smudged version of what I feel.

This disconnection between who I feel I am and what I look like confuses me. Am I so twisted by societal influence that I can’t find my body amazing? Am I missing something? I am told over and over that I am adequate. I have good features and a nice frame. I merely shrug when complimented, because I honestly feel no attachment to the looks. I do not look in the mirror and smile at my myself.

Shouldnt I greet my own face as if it’s a long lost friend? Shouldn’t I give myself the same treatment as someone I love?


The problem with beauty is it becomes an obsession. Being called beautiful, in that exact moment that it happens you take stock of your physical appearance. What is this other person seeing? If I don’t agree with them is it because their definition of beauty different from mine or it is something else? Can I replicate this moment? How does the appreciation of my physical appearance affect how I’m treated? If I’m not beautiful one day will I no longer be wanted?

Being beautiful, pretty, attractive and so on isn’t bad. I just don’t think I am or think about my physical appearance until someone else mentions it. I try to look nice when the occasion calls for it and I don’t mind how I look. I just have such a reaction to the word beautiful, and it’s not positive. Beauty has always been associated with thin, blonde, white women. I’ve always been on the blonde spectrum with obvious whiteness, but I’ve always felt like I didn’t fit. I always felt like an oval peg trying to fit into a round whole, it almost fits but not quite.

Honestly, whenever I talk about how I feel like I don’t fit I feel like a whiner. I don’t suffer from racial discrimination. I’m only about 40 or 50 pounds overweight, not 100 or more. I’m healthy and have no disabilities besides terrible eyesight. It’s just that some part of me screams when I hear my physical self  being discussed good or bad. I want to discuss my thoughts and plans. How intelligent I can be.

Save the Milwaukee Domes!!!

For those of you who have been to Milwaukee, Wi, you may have visited The Domes. Unfortunately for those of you who have never been, you may never get the chance! The foundation is crumbling and it is really expensive to fix.

If you would like to donate to save the Domes, there’s a go fund me here.

Diva Cup Review….

(Discussing period type things, be warned)

So, after a year of hearing the wonders of the Diva Cup I decided to check it out. I bought mine at Target in the tampon aisle.

For those of you who have no idea what a Diva Cup is, it’s a silicone cup that is inserted into the vaginal canal to catch your period on it’s way out. The box indicates that it can be left in for 10-12 hours and there should be no leaks if inserted correctly. To gain more specifics you can find the website here. I highly suggest doing your own research before investing, it is a $40 item.

The first thing I want to say about the cup is that it’s incredibly weird. If you’re not used to sticking your hands up inside your business, you better get used to it real fast. I didn’t have to change a tampon or pad every few hours, so the only reminder of my period was when I emptied the cup and when I was experiencing cramps. Also, if you are sickened by your period, this product is not for you. This month I got really close and personal to my period in ways that I had never imagined. It was oddly satisfying to empty the cup out and see all of nonsense leaving my body.

If you’re thinking it’s similar to using a tampon, you might want to start rethinking that idea. Tampons are a no mess option in comparison to this thing, but I’ve found the cup is far more comfortable than tampons. I have a tilted uterus and my vaginal area is small. I’ve had problems with Tampax being too long for me to be comfortable. I made the comment to my roommate I didn’t feel the cup at all, it was like a ghost cup. If you can feel the cup it’s probably inserted wrong and you will leak.

The biggest problem I’ve had is insertion and getting the damn thing out. Only by getting in the lowest squatting position can I get the cup in and out. I’ve had the most success putting it in and taking it out in the shower. After insertion you have to rotate the cup to make sure it’s opened properly. That can be a messy process. Honestly, I’ve never had more of a mess during my period than learning how to use this cup. It’s a rather gross business.

Once it was in properly I’ve had only a couple problems. On my heaviest day I had to empty the cup every couple of hours rather than the 12. It was not a fun experience and I almost gave up on the damn thing. I suggest wearing a pad on heavy days or a liner. I can’t imagine having to empty this cup in a public restroom on a heavy day.

On my lighter days it was  a very convenient thing. It didn’t leak and I was able to live life as if I wasn’t on my period. The cup is very revolutionary in some ways, and is a pain in the arse in others. Pads and tampons are way easier to use and are less likely to be used incorrectly. That being said, I didn’t fill up my waste basket with period garbage and I didn’t have to sit in a pad full of blood.

Next month may be easier. I’ve decided that investing in pantie liners  in case of leaks would be a good plan. I had a few leaks on heavy days. I also ordered no leak period underwear.

I think the cup is a good investment, it just takes some getting used to. I’m going to go to the website and look through advice to help me for next time. I’m also thinking about investing in a pair of those Thinx panties. If I do I’ll let you know my thoughts.